What is bdsm?
Most people's understanding of bdsm is that one person is being beaten and screaming, while the other person is holding a whip and secretly laughing.
In fact, no, bdsm is a very equal game for adults. It is an activity for two people to explore a new world of fun together on a voluntary basis.
The concept of Bdsm, simply put, includes three major categories of tendencies. .
The first type of role, BD, is the abbreviation of bondage and discipline, which is translated as binding and training. To put it more bluntly, they are those who play with ropes and have strong hands-on skills.
This is easy to understand, but the following two are difficult to understand.
The second major type of role, DS, Dominance & Submission (D/s), includes two roles, one is the dominant party, called dom; the other is the surrender party, called sub .
The third major type of role is the SM we are familiar with, Sadism & Masochism (S/M), which also includes two roles, one is the abuser, and the other is the The abused party.
Knock on the blackboard: bdsm is not b+d+s+m, but bd+ds+sm. DS relationships focus more on spiritual attachment, while SM relationships pursue physical pleasure.
Friends, do you see a question mark here? ? What the hell? I know every word, how come they are put together and I am confused?
It doesn’t matter. In order for everyone to understand better, GG will give an easy-to-understand example this time.
What is S&M?
Suppose we have a player GG who loves SP very much.
Question: What is their relationship in this case?
Answer: They belong to sm relationship, not ds relationship. SM relationships are represented by sadism and masochism, and are essentially a relationship that pursues physical pleasure. If both parties are not for their own happiness, then SM relationships will not be established.
This kind of mentality is just like how AA and GG used to pat her when they were having sex, and she would say "You are so masculine." But if they pat her in normal times, she would slap her back.
So if GG randomly grabs someone and drags him to his house and beats him up, wouldn’t that be called SM? Although it looks the same on the surface, maybe someone else touched their head and said thank you after GG, but this is not called SM, it is called intentional harm, because one party is involuntary.
Okay let's look at the next case.
Suppose that GG changes to a partner, and this person particularly admires GG. One day, this partner makes a mistake, such as not completing the agreed-upon fitness plan. GG says, "I'm going to beat you up to punish you." So although this partner didn't like being beaten, he still accepted the punishment willingly and went to complete his fitness plan after the beating.
Question: What is their relationship?
Answer: They belong to a ds relationship, not an sm relationship. Compared with the previous case, although both are sp on the surface, the DS relationship is not sp because both parties want to have fun. It pursues spiritual dominance and submission, so sp may sometimes be just a means of punishment, for maintenance the sense of spiritual authority.
But maintaining a sense of authority is not the relationship between teachers and students? When a teacher punishes a student, does the teacher become the student's dom? Although everyone in bdsm is very keen on such role-playing, in theory, in reality this is really not a DS relationship.
The difficulty in understanding DS mainly lies in how to understand the "willingness to accept punishment" in DS. You slapped me, but I cried and clapped, saying it was a good slap. How is that possible? When we were students, the teacher made us stand for punishment. We stood at the back of the classroom obediently, but what we were thinking must be whether the "********" string of curse words was right or not. This was obviously because we were unwilling to be punished. I had to do this because of the teacher's power.
Therefore, the DS psychology in BDSM is difficult to explain to someone who has not experienced it. Until one day I discovered a mentality that is very similar to DS, which can be perfectly understood by ordinary people, which is the worship of stars.
When I was in college, I had a good friend who admired Kobe very much. One year, he bought a ticket to attend Kobe’s trip to China, and he actually got an opportunity to ask Kobe a question. He asked Kobe how to improve his basketball level. Kobe said to practice shooting more every day. If 500 times didn't work, he would practice 1,000 times. He was so excited when he received the advice from his idol. When he came back, he practiced every day until he vomited.
You must know that Kobe has never seen him play and does not know his basic situation, but he has never doubted that Kobe's advice may not be suitable for him. When he vomited during practice, he felt that it was his own problem and looked for it in himself. reason.
This is a typical example of "willingly being abused", the grateful admiration in his heart. If Kobe is willing to stand on the sidelines with a small whip and supervise his practice, then Kobe will really become his dom.
This psychology is also known as the "honor principle" in intimate relationships. To put it simply, when something goes wrong, you always think that the other person is not at fault, and that you are always at fault. For example, if No. 48 accidentally hurts you while playing with you, you would think that it must not be No. 48's problem, but that your neck must be different in length from others. (In fact, there may really be a problem with No. 48)
In fact, many couples also have this kind of mentality. I have met many girlfriends who admire boys and look at them with bling bling eyes.
A DS relationship must be accompanied by the "principle of honor". If you find a dom, he or she will not think about how to make himself shine worthy of your glory, but only thinks about how to sleep with you. Don't ask, just scold him and that's it.
Will Sm attributes and DS attributes overlap?
Some people may ask after seeing this, are the DS relationship and the SM relationship necessarily so clearly separated? maybe. Most of the time they are superimposed on each other, similar to how GG gave everyone separate science on the meaning of eating and the meaning of drinking water, but most people actually eat and drink both.
So, if partner chooses A, what is their relationship? What does it matter if you choose B?
The answer is, if you choose B, they are in a pure SM relationship, because the partner has no spiritual obedience and attachment to GG. If you choose A, then they are in both a DS relationship and an SM relationship, because they have a spiritual relationship. attachment and pursue physical happiness.
Does it make sense for us to understand these concepts?
It has! So much!
In reality, such as the above, if a person chooses option B "Get out", then he/she will most likely be called a pseudo-M by a group of S's. Every time I see this misunderstanding, I want to snicker, because he/she at most, he is considered a pseudo-sub, not a pseudo-m. He is a pure and genuine m.
This is why the two systems of ds and sm are separated, because it causes too many misunderstandings! If no distinction is made, a situation similar to the following will occur:
This kind of tragedy is similar to the fact that peppers are not classified into green and red peppers and millet peppers. Every time you go to the market, you can only say to the boss "I want to buy peppers" and then try your luck to see if you buy the right one. What a headache it is.
How to tell if you are a dom/sub or s/m?
Under normal circumstances, DS tendencies and SM tendencies are superimposed, and inversion and superposition may occur. Of course, the attributes are not static. You need to meet specific people for detailed analysis. For example, if you meet No. 48 Such a soft and cute person might want to be an S, but as soon as we met, he was conquered by my strong aura and turned into a sub instantly.
How to grasp their essential differences in one second? Just don’t look at the appearance, but look at the purpose behind it. For example, it is also rope bondage. You have to look at whether the purpose of this rope bondage is to pursue physical pleasure or to pursue spiritual dominance. If it is the former, then it is closer to SM. If it is the latter, it is DS. , if both are present, that means SM and DS exist at the same time.
Of course, it's a bit simpler. If you want to test your bdsm attributes in normal conditions, you can do this test.
Is it suitable for minors to play bdsm?
Not suitable.
But here I would like to expand. Minority is just a general term, and its hidden subtext refers to:
"People who do not have mature values to judge good and bad are not suitable for playing BDSM. People who are unable to take responsibility for their words and deeds are not suitable for playing BDSM. People who have not formed their own moral bottom line are not suitable for playing BDSM."
Some people have long since matured physically, even in their thirties or forties, but their minds simply cannot meet the standards of adults. I think these people can still be classified as minors and are still not suitable for playing BDSM.
BDSM emphasizes safety, sanity, and informed consent. It does not encourage everyone to try it, nor does it force everyone to understand it.
But I think it is very meaningful to allow people who want to understand it to get objective and fair popular science without being blinded by false preaching. Understanding correct knowledge is not only respect for knowledge, but also protection for oneself.
After reading today's content, if someone tells you something like "M is a slave and must obey the master unconditionally" or "You don't need to worry about the concept, just listen to me.", you will not panic at all and even want to laugh, and Quickly come to the conclusion that it is not suitable to continue to maintain a partner relationship with the other party
Why can knowledge become man's weapon and shield? Because after you learn it, it will stand behind you and never betray you.
- FINISH -
Author：GG
References:
[1] "BDSM n. (in entry B, n.)".Oxford English Dictionary Online (draft ed.). Oxford University Press. June2013. Archived from the original on 31 December 2015. Retrieved 29 November2015.
[2] Grau, Johnson (1995). "What doB&D, S&M, D&S, "top", "bottom" mean".Leather Roses. Archived from the original on 11 January 2008. Retrieved 27January 2008.
[3] Dictionary of BDSM Terms".Archived from the original on 2 December 2014. Retrieved 26 November 2014.
[4] Gloria G. Brame, William D. Brame, andJon Jacobs (1993). Different Loving: An Exploration of the World of SexualDominance and Submission. New York: Villard Books. ISBN 0-679-40873-8.