Whether in the regular sex process or in the sex life of niche sex enthusiasts, shame is the source of happiness for many people. In order to arouse the other person's sense of shame, one has to mention a skill that many people want to master - Dirty talk.
Dirty talk here definitely does not refer to swearing, but refers to a "shaming language that can arouse the other person's lust", so when your partner plays soothing music and looks at you lovingly, you Never pull his/her hair suddenly and say, "Fuck you."
Believe me, the grass on the grave of anyone who does this is already five feet high.
This is also the reason why you need to learn dirty talk. People who use it well can make the other party feel like a flood bursting the embankment and have an intracranial orgasm. People who use it poorly will make the other party's toes touch the ground and want to jump up and slap you twice at any time.
Today GG compiled a dirty talk guide, from principles to scenarios and precautions, to help everyone understand "dirty talk during sex" more systematically and objectively.
In order to understand the essence of dirty talk, we first need to understand why dirty talk, which is so offensive and obscene on a social and moral level, makes people feel good in the bedroom?
In order to ensure the typicality of the sampling, GG decided to use a questionnaire to briefly count some dirty talks that BDSM practitioners love before writing this article. They are as follows:
- Many men like their masters to call them “bitch/slut” very much and think they get a contrasting sense of shame;
- Many women like their masters to talk in a commanding tone, "Kneel down/give me your hand/extend your xx"
- A S likes his/her m to lean into his/her ear and say, "Master, I am not wearing underwear today."
4.…………
After observation, it is not difficult to find that the essence of pleasure caused by dirty talk lies in "breaking taboos".
Sex educator Fang Gang believes that we live in a society that views sex as shameful. Because of this, after being smeared by anti-sex culture, some words have been disciplined as obscene and lewd, and have become taboos that can no longer be discussed in normal situations.
So when we tell these dirty talks, we are actually experiencing a kind of "breaking the ban" happiness. The stronger these taboos are, the greater the joy will be when they are broken.
In BDSM, take the above example as an analogy. When the female S says "bitch" to the male M, a status taboo that men must stand upright is broken; when the female M says to S, "Master, I am not wearing underwear today." ", a moral taboo that women must be "virtuous and virtuous" was broken.
According to a paper published in the journal Hormone Research by biologist and psychologist Walfish, he found that when people cross these cultural taboos, their brains secrete significant increases in circulating testosterone levels, and this increase in hormone levels usually causes Reduces anxiety and increases sexual desire.
So we can probably understand that the joy of dirty talk comes from breaking taboos. If you accurately recognize the taboo that your partner wants to break, and complete this process with him/her in the bedroom, you will Get extraordinary happiness.
For example, GG really wants to cross the taboo of "human identity", but my partner -CC understands everything and calls me "little bitch" just right. Then GG may happily say "she understands me so well."
However, if your understanding is not so accurate, for example, if you change someone else, the above points are not taboos that AA wants to cross at all, or at a certain moment, it is not the time when AA wants to play, CC suddenly says to AA out of thin air, " "little bitch" (for example, many people do this when they just add others as friends), then the only thing waiting for CC is to have their heads twisted off and their legs broken.
There is a very vivid metaphor, that is, when you see an old woman standing at the intersection, you must first find out whether she wants to cross the road, and then help her cross the road. You cannot think that all the old women standing at the intersection want to cross the road. Crossing the road, just like you can't think that all ms need you to give him/her a dirty talk.
So this also leads to the next part of this article, how to practice dirty talk happily with your partner.
The three principles of when, where and what
First of all, there are several general principles for dirty talk in the bedroom.
What to talk about (What): This part has just been mentioned, that is, you need to communicate to know what each other's points are, and then speak out dirty talk in a targeted manner, so as not to lead to a tragedy where the donkey's lips are incompatible with the horse's mouth.
Where: The occasion for dirty talk also needs attention. Usually, talking in the bedroom will make people fascinated, but talking in public will make people embarrassed and angry.
When to talk (When): You need to carefully distinguish when to talk and when not to talk. When your partner is answering the call from the boss, if you say a few words of dirty talk next to him, no matter how good-tempered the person is, will have to be angry with you.
Keep it short and don’t be redundant
The principle followed by most dirty talks is to keep it as short as possible. If it is too long, it will make people lose interest. If you don’t believe me, look at this:
A: "Please."
B: "I will not agree or even consider your request until you beg me to my satisfaction. You must know your identity clearly..."
Partner's inner OS: "Master, please stop, can't I just beg you?"
Avoid specific details
When giving a dirty talk, remember that you are not in an interview. Contrary to the principle of an interview, try not to talk about details, otherwise the imagination space will be compressed, the utopian atmosphere will be disillusioned, and the atmosphere will be extremely ruined. If you don’t believe it, take a look:
A: "Looking at you like this, I really want to take off your clothes."
B: "Looking at you like this, I really want to strip off your unflattened red plaid shirt, take off your dusty glasses and throw them aside, and finally tear off two-thirds of your left buttocks. There’s a hole in my underwear!”
Partner's inner OS: "Damm FUCK!"
A: "Pleasing you is my only goal."
B: "To please you, to let you stay at home and play games without any scruples, and I won't dislike you if you don't wash your hair. My only goal is to help you order takeout when the time comes, and order milk tea for you when you are tired."
Partner's inner OS: "Come on, who is the S?"
Don't use questions
When giving dirty talk, everyone reported that the most damaging thing to them is the interrogative sentence, because the interrogative sentence means that the partner has to think about the answer, but who would like to take the time to answer questions when they are having fun! Can’t you see the body’s feedback?
The following interrogative sentence is the nuclear weapon in the interrogative sentence. It is the most destructive dirty talk. I hope everyone will avoid it.
- Is daddy’s dick big enough?
Recommended answer: Don’t ask me, go to the toilet and take it out yourself.
- Is the little bitch happy?
Recommended answer: I felt very comfortable before asking, but immediately felt uncomfortable after asking.
- Who is more powerful, me or your ex?
Recommended answer: I don’t know who is great, I just know that after asking, you will become ex.
Reference Dirty talk
I have collected some dirty talks that everyone thinks are good and put them here for your reference:
The main composition of the sentence pattern of the dominant party is "command + what you want to do", such as:
- Lie down and shut up.
2.Tonight is all about me.
- Take your clothes off and get into bed.
4.On your knees, bitch.
- Beg me.
- You’re going to get spanked until you cry.
- I want to hear you say my name, say it bitch.
The corresponding universal sentence pattern for the other party is "request + obedience + sincere words", such as:
- Your wish is my command.
- I just want to make you happy.
- I’ve been very bold and need to be punished.
- Pleasing you is my only purpose in life.
- Please fuck me, daddy.
- Can I give you a blow job, master?
- Please
Identity chauvinism
After talking about the above popular science and precautions about dirty talk, there is one more thing that needs to be reminded of.
Teacher Fang Gang believes that in today's society, many men still hold the trend of machismo, so dirty talk in the bed may be in the name of pleasure, but in fact it has become a means of infringing on others.
In my opinion, it is not just men. Some people speak humiliating dirty talk during sex. Their purpose is not for pleasure, but the real purpose is to degrade another object, so as to strengthen their own "dignity" and "dirty talk". Status" psychological self-esteem.
They may believe that one gender must be better than another gender, or that certain identities must be better than other identities, and this kind of "gender/identity chauvinism" is difficult to find support in real life, because these people They are usually frustrated in life, so they have to look for a "voluntary" object in sex or role-playing activities such as BDSM, saying "you are vile", "fuck", "useless waste", etc. Use dirty words to satisfy his "strong" vanity.
This is a phenomenon we need to be wary of, because this kind of "identity chauvinism" mixed in dirty talk for pleasure is often difficult to distinguish, but it is quite harmful. Long-term indoctrination and brainwashing can even cause irreversible derogation. The personality and self-esteem of the other party.
I hope that while enjoying the pleasure brought by dirty talk, everyone can also keenly distinguish this kind of personality derogation and social role denial, and say to them/him in time, "Fuck you!"
To sum up, today we have sorted out the dirty talk during sex, explained why it is pleasurable, cited some common usage methods and precautions of dirty talk, and also reminded everyone of the potential risks involved. I hope everyone will If you gain something after reading, you can enjoy the fun it brings healthily and freely with your partner.
- FINISH -
Author：GG
References:
[1] Lizette Borreli, The Science Of Dirty Talk And Why ItIncreases Sexual Pleasure, Medical Daily, 2015
[2] Sean Jameson, 91 Dirty Things To Say To Turn Him On &Have Crazy Wild Sex, (7;1, P.43–56)
[3] Bonnie Gabriel. The Fine Art of Erotic Talk: How to Entice,Excite and Enchant Your Lover With Words[J]. Bantam Dell, 1996.
[4] Gabriel, Bonnie. The Fine Art Of Erotic Talk[J].Sophie SaintThomas，The Kinky Tendency You Might Not Realize You Have，2017
[5] Fang Gang, 《Dirty Talk in Bed Is Beautiful》http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_467a5c96010005vf.html/2006-11-02